I love free stuff. I really do. So, when I was offered some free underwear, I said “hell yeah!”
Fortunately, American apparel company Shinesty was doing the offering, not some naked guy on the street. The underwear was brand-new, clean (I washed it anyway, just in case…), and supposedly “the perfect travel underwear for you and your readers to wear when you’re jet setting around the globe”.
“Don’t ruin your travel plans with some stinky old tightey-whiteys [sic],” the email from Shinesty’s witty PR person read. “Give our underwear a try instead.”
So, here I am now, trying to find the words to describe the three pairs of “ball hammock boxer briefs” they sent me without having to face the ignominy of posing for pictures and pasting them all over the internet:
One has a wolf staring out in front of where my own, erm, trouser wolf rests. (There’s a sentence that no-one in the history of the world has ever written or uttered out loud before.)
Another has red-and-white Budweiser styling, but instead of that decidedly average beer brand, they just say “Merica” in white print on red bowties.
There are flames all over the third pair of undies that Shinesty sent me, reminiscent of Tracks, the Chevrolet Corvette with flames on his hood from Transformers (Generation 1).
They’re bright, shiny, positively outrageous underwear… really the exact opposite of tighty-whities. Check out the range of Shinesty undies here.
Now, rather than tell you how they fit over my, erm, [insert your own awkward euphemism here], I’ll refer back to the original email that Shinesty sent me: “These undies are moisture wicking, stretchy, and QUITE comfy.”
“Our underwear is just what you need for your next plane, train, or car ride to your latest adventure. We even offer a monthly subscription for both the boxers & thongs so you don’t have to stress about reordering with your busy schedule.”
That sounds pretty good. I hate shopping (especially for underwear), and I’ve got barely any time since becoming a father (hence the lack of blog posts this year), so I like the idea of having fresh, new underwear sent out to me.
I’m sure my wife would approve, too.
So ends an awkward Shinesty undies review. It could have been worse. Like I said, I could have posted pictures of me wearing them. No-one wants that.
Or I could have told you I wrote this entire review while sitting only in my undies.
That would have conjured up an extremely uncomfortable mental image for my readers – so aren’t you glad I didn’t do that?