The holidays are here. Let’s get weird.
That’s what it says in the bonkers Shinesty Holiday Catalog that I was sent recently, along with matching “Ninja Bread” holiday pyjamas for my 11-month-old son and 384-month-old wife, and ball-hugging boxers with Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer on the front of them for me.
That’s right. We’re all set for Christmas now. As it says in the catalog, people will stare (especially if I wear my new undies in public), compliments will rain down (especially if I wear my new undies in public), and Instagram likes will stack up (not that it even matters now that they’ve hidden the like count).
I think it’s safe to say that my little family is going to win Christmas this year.
If you would also like to win Christmas, I suggest you get your hands on this crazy catalog, or visit the Shinesty website (a blind person wouldn’t be able to miss all the crazy Christmas stuff all over the home page).
Shinesty didn’t pay me to say that. They just sent me free stuff.
But I’d happily pay good money for a festive “pajamarall” (half pyjama, half overall) with a built-in bottle opener, or a “Christmas tree camo” suit to wear to my job at the bank, or a “Santa is fake news” Christmas sweater with Jesus Christ on the front of it, or perhaps even a “Santa’s shiv” candy cane turtleneck if I’m feeling really naughty.
Which reminds me of another pearl of wisdom from the Shinesty catalog. Apparently “the nice list” is just a lie that Big Christmas has been selling for years. It doesn’t matter whether you’re good or bad; we’re all going to have fun this Christmas.
So make it extra fun with some Shinesty apparel. Or not. I honestly couldn’t care less. There can only be one best-dressed, and it’s obviously going to be me and my family this Christmas. Obviously.
If you missed my very awkward review of Shinesty underwear, check it out. I promise there aren’t any photos of me wearing them (unless that’s what you’re into, in which case you should private message me 😉). They’re my favourite underwear that I own. They truly are very comfortable and high quality.
Finally, if I don’t talk to you again this year (and I’m going to be extremely busy as we count down to the positively futuristic-sounding year of 2020), then I wish you a sensational, safe, and successful year end.
Happy holidays, everyone!